You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
