i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
