I puked a lego.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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