they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
