you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
