Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
