Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
