A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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