i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize