got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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