WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
