Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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