lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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