So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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