So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
