Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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