we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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