Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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