I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know her cup size but not her name....
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