I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize