every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
