you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize