I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
