I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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