Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
