i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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