He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
