I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
vagina is talking i cant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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