He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
