gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
