Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
