possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
