So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
