Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
