you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
