Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize