You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
