I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
