thus making me awesome and them whores
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
