Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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