I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
