would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
