Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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