the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
