After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
