the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
