were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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