do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
