i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
