Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
