I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
