i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
