Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
