we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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