He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
