Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
