I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
