I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
