Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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