He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
