he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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