I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
