you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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