Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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