i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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