this beer tastes like vomit already
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
