Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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