I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
