i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
